You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
