I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
