i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
