Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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