Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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