did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
