Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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