At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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