Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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