when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
