just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
even my farts smell like vagina
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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