we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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