I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
third nipple confirmed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
