I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
