New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
