Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
