I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
