she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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