I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
