That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
