my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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