If i come over, it means nothing
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
