I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
