is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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