quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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