Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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