I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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