yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
