Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i permit you to call me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
