The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
