I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
