i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
