I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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