dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
