in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
