Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
