Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
