he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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