I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
