So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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