the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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