I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
