I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
