smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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