Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
