He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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