I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
