I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
