3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
