i just had sex bonerless
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
