there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
