Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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