Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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