this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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