I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
