my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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